I was going to start my post off with just how douche-baggish life has been recently on my side. Buuuut, the girls and I just rounded off bath time singing Louis Prima at the top of our lungs, re-enacting that Jungle Book scene with Cousin Louis, complete with throwing our limbs in all directions (or as far as my injured foot would let me), and maybe even some jazz hands thrown in for good measure… Who am I kidding!? It’s Louis Prima- OF COURSE there were jazz hands!
Now, I don’t know if it’s the reminder of what dance does for my soul, or the fact that I realised that my girls love swing music as much me, but I’m left on such a high….it’s possibly both. But here I am wondering why I wasted many of the my recent past nights not singing swing, while my cuties shake their squishy naked-just- bathed patooties to my wholly off-key performance.
Sure, maybe my absolute exhaustion had something to do with it. (DUH) That, and the relentless pain that my plantar fasciitis (foot injury) is letting me stew in for the past three weeks that could also just be chipping away at me. But I feel much lighter now that the “cloud of urggh” has lifted somewhat.
Now to give you an idea of this cloud, without dipping to far down into boo-hoo jar, and to give you an idea of how exhausted I am, I’ll tell ya. It could be mistaken for some made-up slapstick bits, but this here is real life, folks.
So in some semblance of the “your mama’s so…” jokes format, let me give you my “I was so tired, I…” version:
1. First up…Morgy was bitten…on her back…at school..by another child. Yes, cue all the gasps, fury of a mother, frustration, heart-break and concern that accompanies such an event. It was an ugly bite, and part of a long series of her getting hurt horribly by other children whilst in the care of the school. So whilst my response to the school was measured, it was still sharp, and heavy. There are still thoughts and action points swirling in my head about it and I was actually going to share it with you all, but I was just so tired, and emotionally spent that I just couldn’t get myself to write about it. Urghhh.
2. I made Nesquick for morgy the other day- a rare request from her, I was so tired, I didn’t even question or protest it, I just agreed to it. Anyhoo, I was so tired that I placed two teaspoons of the powder into a glass and then proceed to pour the milk into the Nesquick container. Urrggh. Had to toss the lot – probably better that way too. I think that jar expired last year.
3. Last Wednesday Morgy asked for some juice. I was so tired I poured out a little juice in a glass, carefully diluted it, put that glass back in the fridge and handed Morgy the 2litre bottle to enjoy. Urghhh. It was her weary, “mom?” and suspicious glances at me is that eventually gave my oopsie away.
4. Then after burning several dinners this month, or just not being able to lift a finger to cook at all, I thought there’d be no way I could screw up Woolies’ 20 min schnitzels, right? I was so tired, but I timed them, watched my phone diligently, put the alarm on, and told myself to focus on nothing but the oven. 20 minutes passed and I sprang up like popped toast, pleased with my ability to finally focus on something again, only to find the raw bloody chicken still sitting ontop of the counter…I was so tired, I had forgotten to put the freakin dish in!!! Urgghhhh…I’ll save you the sob saga of me undercooking and then burning it close to ashes that ensued thereafter.
But you get the idea and there are plenty more such nuggets of “DOH-ness”, but, for now, screw that! In my head I’m swinging, darling!
Yes, sure, there’s the craft/pretend play/whatever-you-got time with the girls, in which I willingly pour myself into, and amazingly it has my full focus, and happy vibes. It’s like I recently shared with one of my readers that, that is when everything just clicks for us, in these silly, creative and funs moments of life. Moments that either organically come or we create them. Like, right now it’s leprechaun traps and Easter prep. Any of it is not necessary at all really, but I choose them. I choose to do them, for my kids. And for myself. Mostly, because spending time with with my girls makes me really, really happy.
And it’s something I have a direct control over, and have an input into how much more enjoyable I can make their day. And, if I think about it, maybe that’s what driving me a little nutty about life right now: this feeling of lack of control over other certain bits in my life. Bits that feel like they’re crumbling under me, with no direction really apparent.
I know I need to humble myself to these kind of tides in life, acknowledge them and release my doubts and fears. But as many a human in history, I forget. You ever forget? Yeah, me too. So, instead, I cling and get caught in this effort to fight that tide, and before I know it, I’m deep under the deceptive waters of self-doubt and feeling lost.
And from above the water one is reminded that good days come, that bad days come, and possibly turn into weeks, and sometimes feel as if they’re never going to leave. But they do. Guaranteed. It’s part of the ebb and flow of life.
Amidst the not so wonderful and amazing days, we have these very ordinary but very incredible swinging days, and they arrive like massive gasps of fresh air to lungs that have been suppressed in murky waters for a touch too long. They lend perspective, and offer opportunity. When they come, release yourself into them, take it as the opportunity to shake out those kinks. And also to realise that there are plenty of deep waters to navigate in this here life, but one’s life can overflow with sweet, happy moments if we care to embrace them. And even more so, if we care to find them.
I hope that I’m also managing to teach my girls that life is never so tough that you can’t break out into fully-committed dance moves, unashamedly sing out of key, and beatbox with wayyy too much spittle and way too little beat. In fact, life is the better for it, if we do. And in those moments when it becomes hard to steer one’s thoughts towards the positive, we can always steer our bodies there with some fine music and fun company. The mind is sure to follow! Taylor sure was on the money with, “shake it off”.
Now, if only this foot would heal already, so that I can really get my groove on!