The Milk Memoirs

One part chronicle, one part resource of all things breastfeeding and family life…with a good dose of fun,crafts & mommy realness

A Decision to Birth at Home

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As any parent would gladly offer up to you, the path to parenthood is well-laden with poigniant decisions that need to be made. All of which are always so personal and unique to the dynamic of your own little family. And in a perfect world, we could all share our decisions, if we so choose to, without fear of judgement or ignorant side comments tossed our way. But alas, that is not the world we live in – and that’s ok, I guess… So against all good and sane advice, I’ve decided to go public with our decision to birth at home. Obviously all well-laid plans can go completely to shit in the birthing world – I am pretty firmly rooted in the land of reality, so I’m not oblivious to this. And that’s also ok – for I am also completely open to unpredictable nature and rhythms of birth. But mostly, I am deeply and strongly rooted in the confidence and belief I have in my body.

Although, that statement is more around birth itself, than around homebirth, isn’t it? So last night, when Mike very casually asked me, “so, why DO you want a homebirth?” (knowing how amazing we found our previous two births in the hospital, I suppose he might be slightly curious why this now) I answered him without even having to think about it. Because the truth is, I’ve always wanted a homebirth. And not like in some sort of wishlist, dreamy, I-need-to-tick-it-off-my-bucket-list kind of way. It’s as in, that’s what I was conditioned to throughout my impressionable years. All my brothers were homebirth’ed. My mother and father were homebirthed.And whenever we used to walk around in any of the older properties that stayed in our family, it was always pointed out to me, “so-and-so” was born in this room, and “so-and-so” was born in that room.

Both my grandmothers only birthed at home. In fact, it was my granny who introduced my mom to the “old” concept of a midwife after she had truly horrid and humiliating experience at the hospital during her first birth, delivering her twins. Then after my mom’s first home birth with my eldest borther, my mom never looked back. That is until that midwife retired, and midwives became such a scarcity and were now met with cock-eyed questioning glances in the ever-rising spotlight of the male-led medical world. And with the availability of midwives near zilsch, my mom had little choice but to go hospital with me. Although truth be told that was such a quick birth and time in hospital – it was me. My dad always jokes, I was far too much in a hurry and determined to get this life started that I couldn’t wait for anyone to come deliver me, not even the doctor, and just birthed myself.(But dont all babies?!) By the way, the doctor arrived well after my birth, that he didn’t even charge my folks – charge them for what, he would joke.

And in general there’s this very easy-going and celebratory take on birth that exists within our family and in our home. One that whilst birth is tiring, it is certainly not anything to fear, but something to be met with joy and confidence. This I hope will persist throughout the ages in our family, especially for all my lovely nieces, and hope their views on birth do not get warped along the way.

But the point being is that Ive always wanted a homebirth. In fact, my first midwife asked and asked me again if I didn’t want a homebirth with my first pregnancy. ( “Are you sure? Are you sure-sure?”) And maybe on some level, I must have bought-in just a little bit to that fear factor that society likes to feed all expecting mothers. Also I didn’t want to come across as all cocky, you know, as a first time mom who thinks she knows what shes doing. But I had it all wrong back then. I didn’t owe anyone a perception – my only concern was my baby and my health. And by God, I KNOW my body. Better than anyone else. Granted I had wonderful birth experiences – one being like one big party with laughter echoeing from our labour room, the other being a truly quiet and peaceful hypnobirth where I dozed off alot of the time. Both natural without drugs or any sort of interventions, in whatever position I wanted. And both in hospital. But truth is, even with that, there was always a small part of me that wished I was just in the comforts of my own home.

Hubby joked, well you know, there’s not going to be the luxury of a nurse coming to check in on you every few minutes with some coffee, or someone to bring you meals. But then the midwife piped up and reminded him, “youre there”. Which to his credit he is ALREADY like that; Feeding me and ensuring Im comfortable at all times, and getting some rest. But he’s going to have the other two little ladies on his hands as well, AND have he’s job to juggle while still tending to me and baby…and we all know how much cradling a mama needs post birth.

But in truth that’s not a concern for me. I think the ONLY concern I have around not being in the hospital, is having the twice daily access to the lazer treatments for my nipples. I ALWAYS have latch issues come end of day 2 – you know, when a lot of the magical hormone cocktails start dropping and baby loses her mojo around the latch that she so perfectly mastered at birth. And the real issues starts rearing it’s ugly head. THAT is my only concern. But even that is surmountable – I’d be around the corner from the breastfeeding clinic. So if you think about it, it’s not even a factor really.

So we’ve decided…Homebirth it is.

As always, I do my research – it’s the nerd burger in me, I can’t help it. Also, I am just waiting on all three of my midwives to give me the nod on it – I live far from them. It’s kind of already a green light, but I like surety, and need to know I have the right birth team on board here. So, for now, it’s all in just getting the home ready and prepped.

Exciting times in the Porter abode!!Oh baby, I cannot wait!

Have you had a homebirth? What was your experience? Did you tell anyone that you were planning it? Or was it unplanned (I know of a few women like that!) Would love to hear about your experience! X

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Author: mommabeartrax

Mother of two (and counting), pregnant with the third and have a sweet little angel in heaven. A very happy wifey, blogger, lover of life and laughter, a clumsy swimmer, loyal friend, Im funnier in my head than I actually am, I am a qualified HypnoBirthing Child Birth Educator, I get inexplicably excited about good food, baking & crafts. Although, I think baking and crafts are just trying to fill a void that my Kenpo and gym-rat days used to fill. Lastly, according to the rest of the world, I fix your printer. But I'm actually a Software Architect.

22 thoughts on “A Decision to Birth at Home

  1. yay 🙂 I love this!! but you know I am a big home birth advocate.

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  2. Oh how amazing!!! I can only wish I could do this. Good luck with the prep.

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  3. I always wanted a homebirth! Sounds like you are an excellent candidate! Good luck getting your team together!

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  4. Hello!!!

    I have been stalking your blog for ages, in a totally non creepy way. I came across it post birth, after crying my eyes out due to breastfeeding issues…and lookit me, 15 months later my baby wont give her boobies up! So thank you thank you thank you for pointing me in the direction of Jean Ridler, she saved my sanity and my life (and probably my mother-in-laws, too, as they were driving me nuts and I was about to go all postpartum crazy on her..wait no I did, but thats another story)..

    So, homebirth, yes. Thats why I commented in the first place.

    I am a midwife, and I have had a homebirth with my first (and only for now) one, in the hands of a midwife I adore. I have to say, I have not had such an amazing empowering experience in my life. I felt comforted by being at home, and I can honestly say that I would do it all over again. There is no other way to birth. It took a lot of convincing, I had to fight for it with my backup gynae – who is supportive of natural birth, but was looking for a reason to refer me back to the hospital, I fought with in laws, with colleagues, with friends – all of whom thought I was absolutely nuts to go that route…but I trusted myself and my instincts and I was right.

    It takes a bit of planning, I have lists of equipment and things you may need to buy and hire if you need them – pop me an email, I am happy to help. Dischem had most of the items I needed, from gauze to mattress protectors to linnen savers, “boat” pads and disposable undies. I hired a birth pool which was amazing, and if you can get an urn, I’d suggest you do – I emptied the geyser and then some.

    Homebirth truly is the way to go. There are also children’s books which you can access to explain birth to the kids if you need to. I am so excited for you. I hope my joy for you shines through – and sorry for the familiar tone, obviously I feel like I know you, but I just realised that you dont know me from a bar of soap!!!! All of the very best, and please done hesitate to email me!!!

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    • hahah! Lamya, dont worry, I dont take it as creepy – stalk away, hun!
      And well done, mama! 15 months – thats fantastic!!!! It’s my absolute pleasure – I am so beyond happy to hear of your success and glad that my posts could help you. (you dont know how glad I am) Jean Ridler is amazeballs right?!

      Also, yes, you midwives are another breed unto yourselves – I have never met a midwife I didnt like! The work you do is exceptional. I’ve only had midwives frm the get go – and thats what made the difference for me I believe in the hospital. I could have birthed ANYWHERE really, as long as I had my midwife there- just quietly in the background, almost unseen letting my body birth my baby at it’s own pace. Birth is truly empowering in and of itself.

      And thank you so much for extending the helping hand – I am currently putting a list togther of all that I would need for a homebirth, with the intention of sharing to help other moms out there. So if i get stuck, it would be great to reach out to someone like you who knows where, what and who.
      ps. your email is hidden, however, if you drop me an email at milkmemoirs@gmail.com then I’ll have your contact for future. Thanks X

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  5. I like your conviction in your answer to “why we doing homebirth”. You’ll do great momma!

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    • Thanks Melissa – there are only few other areas in my life that I am THIS confident and strong in my convictions than in birth and my body’s abilities. I and in life in general, I take my time in decisions, but once I decide, I cannot be moved. So thank you, yes…there is great conviction in this for me. X

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  6. hahah! Lamya, dont worry, I dont take it as creepy – stalk away, hun! 🙂
    And well done, mama! 15 months – thats fantastic!!!! It’s my absolute pleasure – I am so beyond happy to hear of your success and glad that my posts could help you. (you dont know how glad I am) Jean Ridler is amazeballs right?! 🙂

    Also, yes, you midwives are another breed unto yourselves – I have never met a midwife I didnt like! 🙂 The work you do is exceptional. I’ve only had midwives frm the get go – and thats what made the difference for me I believe in the hospital. I could have birthed ANYWHERE really, as long as I had my midwife there- just quietly in the background, almost unseen letting my body birth my baby at it’s own pace. Birth is truly empowering in and of itself.

    And thank you so much for extending the helping hand – I am currently putting a list togther of all that I would need for a homebirth, with the intention of sharing to help other moms out there. So if i get stuck, it would be great to reach out to someone like you who knows where, what and who. 🙂
    ps. your email is hidden, however, if you drop me an email at milkmemoirs@gmail.com then I’ll have your contact for future. Thanks X

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  7. I just loved birthing at home! You are going to love it! Oh my goodness whats not to love…being relaxed in a dark room with music in your own house. Napping on your own bed, peeing in your own loo. Sipping tea from your favourite mug while waiting for baby. Etc etc etc… I just had a crappy first birth in hospital with a not so natural minded dr. Disaster! Never again. I got a midwife and birthed two babies at home. Amazing experiences.

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    • yes, yes, yes!Yes, Jolanie – exactly all of THAT! 🙂 Also, my home is actually just “cleaner” than a hospital anyways – who likes sharing loo?! Bleh! And home, I can light my candles without setting off any smoke alarms! :))) Your comment just got me all sorts of excited again about this. Thank you!

      I am sorry your first was so crappy- isnt it sad that this is the case for SO many women out there? SO glad the tide turned for you in your subsequent births. Thanks again for sharing! X

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  8. As soon as i opened your link I realised I read one of your blogs about the gender reveal of your current baby thoroughly enjoyed it. After having 3 homebirths I can definitely say im a home birth advocate I had to have a homebirth given i had 3 csections previously but after the first homebirth i believe there is no better way to birth a baby. It allows you free reign to labour how you prefer and also you have no time constraints on how long labour will take. You only have the option of a drug free birth so it allows you to find the strength to get through labour which is also healthier for you and baby. One major positive is thanks to a wonderful midwife and doula i never sustained any birth injuries such as tearing or bruising even with my current birth of baby no6, my third homebirth she was a 4.1kg baby posterior as well and i am 1.56 in height and was told by a gynae I will never be able to have normal birth😆

    All the best with the pregnancy and hope you have the Birth you desire.

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    • WOw! That is amazing!! seriously! After three c-sects, that incredible that you found someone to support you for 3 MORE homebirths! 🙂 Love it!

      Also, dont you just “love” the way so many reckless doctors out there so easily like to tell you how you will never be able xyz?! (like “never have normal birth”) When most of their training and experience is not really in NATURAL birth. I know one lady was told, she would never be able to birth because of the size of her feet..like what even is he talking about?! LOL She too has several home births thereafter.

      I think your story is incredible! Love it! Thank you so much for sharing! Would you mind if I shared your you tube link?

      ps. I think i was fortunate in that I eventually found my perfect team – after walking out on my original gynae, also a Dr Evil of note, like 2 weeks before i gave birth. I found a midwife and a great back up dr, and I birthed in the hospital – undisturbed, unrushed, respected, cradled..all the way from Tuesday evening through to Thursday morning. No pushing, no tearing, just letting the body what it’s supposed to do…

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    • ps. Thanks so much for compliment on the blog – you wouldnt believe how much I appreciate that. X

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  9. Now I’m so excited for your baby to be here, and to read your post about how it all went! All the best! ❤ x

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  10. Fantastic! We had a homebirth with our twins! After 4 hospital births I had no desire to listen to all the scare tactics the docs were throwing out at me. So homebirth is was! It was truly so amazing!!! You got This! Our bodies are amazing!!!!

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  11. Great article and happy birthing to you. I had two homebirths the third being a waterbirth. Seeing my siblings be born at home made homebirths normal to me. My first birth was in hospital only because I didn’t find the homebirth support but found it for my 2nd and 3rd babies. As a doula I find homebirths have a special place in my heart. The whole family is so relaxed. The rhythm of the birth is set by mom and baby not hospital policies. It’s truly an amazing experience.

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    • That’s so wonderful! I love hearing all about home births. I’ve got to say,uve had the atypical hospital experience as ours was pretty much relaxed,undisturbed and unrushed. With only my personal birth team in there and just so peaceful. So I am keen to see how the home birth will be. One thing is for sure,we are loving the fact that we don’t have to pack up and drive anywhere!:)))

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