Note: I’m only a week late for this, but that’s ok. Let’s just pretend it’s 19th May and Im slap bang on time, and not drowning just little bit in the storms of life. 😉 Also, as parents, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for any parent to go ahead and brag about our kiddies. Because, personally, I think it’s less of a brag and more just voicing our amazement at this creature that God has beautifully and uniquely crafted. I mean, sure there is alot we parents nuture within them. But mostly, the way I see it, is that we are merely protectors, guides and nuturers to these little beings, to help them on their way, and help them find their path, and their purpose and joys in this life. And generally to teach them how to NOT be little a-holes that grow up to be big a-holes. The rest was all our Creator. He takes all the credit for his creations. So, please indulge me a little now then to voice all my amazement of my six year old Morgan-Lee…and maybe also a few fears that grip me at times…
Sitting here staring at my pc…slightly at a loss for words as I try to stitch together all my emotions and thoughts and joys and hopes for my first born’s birthday today, and weave it into some semblance of a true reflection of all the love the pulsates through my entire being for this child.
My thoughts constantly drift back to the day we first laid eyes on her. As she calmly and quietly, yet with great speed and whirling effect, entered this world; Staring straight back at me with scrunched up eyebrows and an expression that seemed say, pick me up, and hold me close already, woman!
Obviously for the past week in the run up to her birthday, I’ve been flipping through old baby pics of her, and am both still mesmerised and amused by her levels of chub as a baby. The cheeks that were so round it made her look like a Japanese doll, as my mother-in-law had exclaimed upon meeting her for the first time. Layers and layers of rolls, in fact, even her rolls had rolls. Just so many rolls, she could open up a bakery. And we loved it. She was fat and healthy in all ways, had an incredibly infectious laugh, a sense of humour that budded seemingly almost as soon as she could talk. (she said her first word, “mama” at 12 weeks – and has never stopped using it since!)
Her desire to make you laugh has never gone away and one can clearly see how much of a kick she gets out of it. This explains her natural confidence on stage and enjoyment of entertaining others. Also this girl’s choreography and ability to remember her lines and all her dance moves is simply impeccable. She may very well love the stage even more than her mom did. I cannot wait for what this year holds for her in terms of school performances and dances and shows, because I know how happy it makes her to do all these fun things.
And let’s not forget ballet – which, oops, I DID forget to share with you readers! Totally slipped my mind. Not sure how I could forget, but my big girl has also started doing ballet this year! She’s had her first parent day, and I couldn’t help but beem with pride…and very possibly a few giggles too…as she seems to be more krunk and hiphop than ballet. But, Im sure she’ll master it soon enough…just as she always does with most things she tackles. I love watching her put her mind to something and just doing it. Not afraid to ask for help, and also not afraid to say when she’s not interested in something at all.
And then there’s her ability to spread joy like wildfire. This is something I particularly enjoy, because it’s so beyond me. Case in point, her ability to psyche up her classmates about her birthday party. How she managed to get all her guests brimming with excitement about a party, at a home they’ve never been to, to the levels that she did, is still beyond me. (every day Mike would relay to me about all the shrieking and excitement about the games that were planned that would ensue whenever he would drop Morgy off at school.) She needs to get into events marketing, promotions or something like that, cause this girl has it waxed. But she generally does have an infectious energy of excitement about her. I need to get more in tune with it again. One day I know Im going to be sorry I let life’s stresses make me feel like I don’t have time for all the extra little shenanigans of hers. In fact, I already am. Definitely needs to be remedied.
I find her spirit so independent and free, yet still warm and welcoming. It’s no wonder she rules at this big sister gig. Sure there may have been one or two recent hiccups..*cough*..gender reveal..*cough*, but on the whole, this girl provides so much guidance, and love and snuggles and kisses, I honestly feel like God knew what he was doing when he made her our first.
And that independent spirit has also shown itself in her budding travel bug that seems to have bit quite early. Madam has always spoken of travel whenever we played with maps or read children’s books of travel. Specifically always speaking of Paris and wanting to see the Eifell tower. ( I always used to put that strange fascination of hers down to the fact that, while still preggers with her, and roaming the streets of Paris one night, I turned a corner, I was hit by an unhindered full blown sight of the Eiffel tower all light up at night, and was literally moved to tears. I was so awestruck, I couldn’t even speak for a few minutes. Even Mike was taken aback by my reaction. I fell inlove with Paris that, and that moment has never left me. So I felt it was safe to say my reaction was perhaps strong enough to maybe affect my baby in utero.) But then after her recent trip to USA, it was clear this child has a deep desire to travel and see it all – just like her mom.
Her most recent and most significant travel destination she now speaks of is New York. And she made it very clear, that this is where she will go to when she’s bigger, and no moms and dads are allowed with her. She wanted to do it alone. I was super intrigued by her statement and the plans that then further tumbled from her mouth about that planned trip. I asked what about Parker, to which she was totally open to joining her. It’ll be a sisters trip, she says.
It was with that that I let her know, “well do you know, your mom also did a solo trip to NY once upon a time?” TO which her face absolutely lit up, and asked for photos. I then dug my old photo album and left her with it. One could have sworn I had just put on a new series of My Little Ponies or Turtles the way she was glued to that album. Pouring over it, like she had just struck gold. Much like I used to pour over my own dad’s photo albums.
That sight and that whole conversation had left me all warm and fuzzy about the future that lays before her. About the type of young adult she will be one day, the kind of things that will intrigue her. How much her and my interests may just overlap. How much I can help and guide her along the way, and how much I will need to just step out of the way and let her at it. (oh dear Lord, give me strength and wisdom to know which one to do and when!) To allow her the freedom and space that is so very much needed to let her carve her own paths, in her own way. I hope to have the deep understanding and ability to not impede upon her spirit, and not be too ruled by a natural parental fear for her safety. But instead to find that elusive balance that can only enhance her character and help shine light on her path.
I know I will probably fail along the way, admist all my good intentions. Dismally. A few times. I mean, what’s parenthood without a few epic faceplants, right? But mostly I hope to never fail her. Or any of my children.
My entire being holds so much joy and anticipation for all that lays before this little person with the heart of gold, round tummy and cheeks to match. Yes, there’s fear too. Fear of all the new perils that now exist in our society, fear of being inadequate or getting it all wrong as a parent. But certainly not ruled by it. Instead the excitement far outweighs any of the negative. And it is that that I will use to guide me. That and the Good Lord, of course. ‘Cause, Lord knows how much I already call upon Him currently with that eye-roll-and-deep-sigh routine she’s got going on.
Give me strength! X